"I stand here in front of you today all because of an idea I could be who I wanted if I could see my potential"- Macklemore

Currently listening to: Ten thousand hours by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis



So, my hair fell out. Or, at least enough that I felt like a balding man in his fifties who has to wear a truckers hat everyday to hide his baldness. And, my head hurt a lot  whenever I touched my hair. And it was hard waking up in the mornings because of all the hair on my pillowcase- I was so sure that was the morning I would be bald. Then I got the guts to go look in the mirror, and it was never as bad as I imagined for which I was grateful.

However, my spirit was feeling damaged,and I realized I had been in denial.So I decided to just shave it all of then I could begin to accept it. The nice thing about being bald? Instant air conditioner if I am hot. And I get ready really quickly, which is nice if I'm not feeling so great. 

               My girlfriends in Rexburg! All ready for church:)





Shaving my head was one of the two hardest things I have ever done. And every morning I wake up and see the bald head and have to be okay with it all over again. However, it is becoming a little easier everyday. Truth I swear. I don't walk around with a bald head, but it is getting easier to walk around in a hat or my wig. Many people in my life have been very supportive and helped me feel better in my insecure moments. You know who you are:) Instead of mourning my long hair, I am on the hunt for some edgy short haircuts until I get my long hair back.  

Chemo Round 2! I went in today, and I was really nervous. People want to know how I am doing and it is difficult to describe in words. The best I can do is that you know there is something going on in your body. Mentally it is difficult because you realize that you are essentially pushing poison through your body. It burns the veins a bit going through at first, but then dissipates. There are people continually coming into your room to give you information and then quizzing to see if you remember. The more chemo rounds you have, the longer the list of symptoms/side effects gets. But, you get used to it. You can start to anticipate some of the questions the doctors and nurses will ask and then that can speed things along quite a bit. In short, chemo sucks. However, I am lucky to only have to do it for 9 weeks, where other people have it for many months, some even years. 

 You can't see the words very well above, but I was transferred to the Hunstman Cancer Center, which is apart of the Intermountain Medical Center in Murray.  Jon Hunstman Sr. is the man- he is a 4x cancer survivor. And he has devoted much of his life and money to help "his main desire to use his resources to fight human suffering." He is definitely someone that I look up to!

My nurse today was adorable! She kept checking in on me, making sure I was comfortable and made sure I knew exactly what was going on with each step she was making.  And then I got all excited when she used pink for my bandage because it was girly. Then she busted out a bow without another word. And she asked for my blog at the very end which made me feel like a superstar:)












I needed to go fill a prescription after chemo, so we went to Costco! Jane was concerned about me being too tired or weak, so she talked me into riding on the flat bed cart. People stared, but for once, I genuinely didn't care! My hat was so warm and comfy that I didn't care if people could see that I was bald underneath. And, I could tell that the little kids were just envious:)




Things that make Molly happy :]

• I'm trying acupuncture tomorrow for the first time! it's supposed to work wonders with cancer side effects
• Walking Dead is back on! Woot woot! 
• I made it safely from Washington to Utah 
• My boys in Brighton 201, they always make me laugh!
• Kate and Carlee, always welcome me with open arms and are some stellar best friends:)
• I can finally sleep on my stomach again! 
• My seeester Jane who spent 8 hours at the hospital with me for chemo, waited on me hand and foot and was my 
• chauffeur for the whole day
• My seeester Abby who shaved my head because I could not bring myself to do it alone. 
• My mumsy who is helping bankroll my fancy appointments and took time off work to do what I wanted to do.
• My brother Beaubo who went to the store and bought me 2 hats! One of them I wore to chemo today:) The other is a panda bear and has little ears (I might possibly be wearing at this precise moment...)
• Jani Davis and her extreme generosity- look up her boutique, it has lots of cute things!
• The  music video below :The Fighter" by Gym Class Heroes , I listen to it all the time

"She has been on quite a journey... It has been a difficult one, but also an inspiring one."

Hey all! It is late on February 2, I thought I would just jot down my thoughts and feelings at the moment. So, I had a great day. Slept in, had German pancakes for breakfast, then went to Spokane to go shopping with Mumsy and Abby because it was her BIRTHDAY today! Then we went out to dinner and for dessert got Gooey's at Dockside in Coeur d'Alene. All in all a pretty good day. 

Well, then I get home and take a shower. And the hair continues to fall out. It started falling out Jan 30, which is a day I will never forget. But today is what I am focusing on. Well, tonight was particularly difficult because I can visually see my hair being thinner than it used to be.It is hard for me to watch my hair fall out because most women associate hair with feeling feminine. Cutting it super short made me feel not as feminine, and now some of it is just not there. However, I realized that if I do end up losing all my hair, then I will only be bald for about 7 weeks, and then it should start growing back. 7 weeks is really not that long, so I can suck it up and deal with it. I am a little worried about going back to school, I will know 2 of my 5 roommates, hopefully my new roommates will be able to handle it. I saw some good friends in Brighton 201 and no one was weird! It was great, they all didn't even blink at my hair that was 11 inches shorter. And they didn't have the puppy dog poorgirl look in their eyes, so I have a some hope for the Spring (: 

My good friend Carlee told me about this video which you must watch. Disclaimer: you WILL cry. But that's okay, because it may change your perspective for the better. It did for me. In the video, a friend describes the main character by saying "She has been on quite a journey... It has been a difficult one, but also an inspiring one."... I am so not doing this video justice, just please watch it!

Things that make Molly happy:]

• Being home! It took me 1.5 weeks longer to get home than planned (2 cancelled flights, then Salt Express to Rexburg where my freaking awesome brother Beau came and picked me up in Rexburg
• My health insurance is paying for ALL of my chemotherapy after all!!! Serious weight lifted off my shoulders
• Sleeping in my bed. My perfect bed that has been molded to my body. It's MY bed.
• Reading- While going to school, I had forgotten it can actually be enjoyable ;)
• Discovering Lindsey Sterling on youtube

I know this process is not over, but I am thankful to have gottten through so far in one piece. When I felt alone or close to giving up someone has worked their way closer into my life and saved the day: emotionally, financially and physically. Whether it be driving me somewhere, spending half the day in a doctor's office,helping me find financial programs in Utah, helping get me home to Washington, a phone call or text, or a letter in the mail, I appreciate it all!