I know That I don’t need a whole lot of anything I just want a little bit of everything

Currently listening to: Keith Urban

Rexburg has been awesome this Spring! I've been swimming, hot tubbing, shooting, muddin', and fishing... Basically all the  cliche' things you do while living in Idaho. Along with getting snow cones, "reading" your textbook on the grass, bridge jumping, Taco Bell, and laying in the hammock across the street. Basically, its just nice to be back in school. A week ago I signed up for my classes in the Fall, and realized I only have 2 more semesters then Student Teaching!! Half excited, half panicked. I kind of like not being a real adult, not having responsibilities to anyone but myself... 

 I took a 4 credit Science class for the first block. It was definitely hard, but Bro McNeil was awesome, and made it worth it. On the last day he lectured he busted out the Magic School Bus, which of course we HAD to take a picture with ( we want to be teachers... there's no other explanation;)  Below is Nikki, one of my best friends that I have met from classes. She is responsible and made me focus in class. 

I had a doctor's apt in IF where I got to see some good friends from work. Julie and Nathan always make me laugh!

 I decided at the last minute to go home for Memorial Weekend, and so I got to spend it with these little goobers.

*** Kate's getting married in 10 days! So happy for you! 

**Beau would have been in this picture, however Beau doesn't believe in smiling. Ever.

 One of many trips to go shooting

 First time fishing! Really fun, and it tasted really good. Too bad I got freakishly sunburnt...

Finally running again, we'll see how long this lasts haha.

 This is my last semester with Ashley as a roommate, and I am wee bit sad about it. 

Quick Cancer Update:

I had a CT scan on Friday, but because of the confusion between doctor's offices, I am still waiting for the results... But I'm not worried! It has a low chance of coming back. However, they did poke me 9 times (not exaggerating) because my veins are all screwed up from chemo. They supposedly will bounce back eventually. At one point they were looking at my neck to poke, and it was super ticklish and weird! And they almost had to give up, but they eventually got it! 

Things that make Molly happy :]

• Beautiful weather, being outside
• I am THIS close to wearing just my hair out in public
• Abby is having a baby boy!!
• For some odd reason, boys keep asking me on dates... They make nights pretty enjoyable :)
• Having a reason to wear your fancy perfume
• I'm officially signed up to take the Praxis Exam in July!
• country music
• The whole family will be home for July 4th, its going to be an adventure :)

"Like a drum, baby, don't stop beating"- Phillip Phillips

Currently listening to: Phillip Phillips

So a lot of people know me as the miracle girl who survived old lady cancer.Which is understandable, I mean I'm kind of a big deal;) Well, there is a lot more to me than needles and hospital gowns.

So here is a random assortment of facts about yours truly:

• I love Star Wars. When walking in the store, if I see any merchandise with Luke Skywalker I immediately backtrack to stare( i may possibly be wearing a star wars shirt right now)
• I know Greek yogurt is supposed to be awesome and but I have tried it many times, and I think it is disqusting
• My favorite TV show is Friends- makes me laugh every time 
• I am a movie junkie. Comedy, scary, anything. 
• When I graduate from college I am planning a trip to South East Asia. Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam  
• I despise math
• Laura is my oldest friend. I've known her 20 years and she still talks to me;) #friendsforlife
• Plaid is comfort to me, so I wear it often
• Music. Where to start. I listen to everything from Jack Johnson to Macklemore to A Day to Remember to the Eli Young Band. (Just discovered Twenty One Pilots for those interested) You name it, I probably have heard it and like it
• I love to read.  Percy Jackson series, books by  Sarah Dessen, Harry Potter, The Fault in Our Stars...so many.
• My favorite color is green
• I love to laugh and smile, and try to do it often
• I'm a budding yoga enthusiast 
• I graduated with 76 classmates 
• I secretly love that my birthday is on St. Patrick's Day - not a major holiday, but enough to make me feel special :)
• I love shoes. Everywhere from Vans to Toms to Steve Madden heels. 
• I like being outside in the summer. Camping, rafting, swimming, pretty much anything 

Things that make Molly happy :]

• Italian Sodas
• Back to ol' Rexytown in less than a month! Who knew I'd ever miss that place?
• Going to Oregon with my old roommate Chelsea! (there's plenty of pics on FB and Instagram)

•  I crossed getting a henna tattoo off my bucket list, courtesy of Tori

and best of all right now...

I'M 21 AND CANCER FREE !!!!!

 ** Shout out to American Cancer Society for providing me with 2 FREE wigs, something I really appreciate!

"You could be the greatest. You can be the best. You can be the king kong banging on your chest."- The Script

Currently listening to: The Script

So I am incredibly smart and forgot my password. Result? I don't write for a month. Whoops.

Thanks for all the support everyone! 

Great news, which I am sure most have already heard but I am going to tell you again anyways! Stanley and I broke up! (I may possibly name all my IV's Stanley... it makes hospitals less weird) In other words... I'm done with the whole cancer thing. Its a blip on the radar for my life

I had my last round of chemo on March 4 at Intermountain Medical Center. 

 Everything went really well- except my reaction to the Benadryl.  My doctor told me that I didn't have to take the steroids the last round since I didn't have any side effects while it was pumping through my veins. I was stoked about this because then I didn't get all cray-cray in the middle of the night because my heart was beating a million miles an hour (you have to take the nasty tasting pills 12 and 6 hours before chemo) Because of that, the Benadryl hit me pretty hard. I felt really weird- like I didn't have control over my own body. Of course, I choose this time to go to the bathroom, so the nurses helped me walk to the bathroom because I was acting like a drunk person... It was not a pretty sight. So then I passed out for about 3 hours which was great because chemo might possibly be the most boring thing to do. Its a teeny step above dumping grain trucks in the summer because I get as much pop as I want..and free lunch..

 I felt like a little kid drinking my juice cup, but it was delicious;)

 So during the second round of chemo, some of the chemo leaked into my vein, so I had a hefty bruise on my right hand, and it hurrrrrrt. So I made them poke my left arm this time. The nurse poked the vein in my hand and dug around for a bit... nothing... then I was worried they would poke me again and then BAM. Blood squirts everywhere. Gro-ooossss. So then my IV looked like a "very angry" one. 

Many have asked me what happens next?

Well, I am so glad to say that I am moving on with my life!!!! I am going back to school at BYUI on April 19, I have my schedule made up and am ordering my books next week. (I'm back in Spokane until then, hit me up if you want to do something:) I have an appointment with my Gynecology Oncologist for the end of April and  I have a CT scan scheduled for the beginning of June. My doctor's appointment's every 3 months for the next 2 years. After 2 years I only have to see my doctors every 6 months.

Things that make Molly happy:]

• Joe took off work to take me to chemo- awesome brother-in-law!
• A trip to see Oregon with Chelsea lots of pictures to come:)
• I'm exercising again! Its really weird because I have a numb spot on my leg from surgery that I usully forget is there...Until I am running outside and my skin is cold everywhere except in that one spot. 
• I'll be 21 tomorrow, pretty stoked! Officially legal for everything =)
• This video- its my new song on replay

                               

"I stand here in front of you today all because of an idea I could be who I wanted if I could see my potential"- Macklemore

Currently listening to: Ten thousand hours by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis



So, my hair fell out. Or, at least enough that I felt like a balding man in his fifties who has to wear a truckers hat everyday to hide his baldness. And, my head hurt a lot  whenever I touched my hair. And it was hard waking up in the mornings because of all the hair on my pillowcase- I was so sure that was the morning I would be bald. Then I got the guts to go look in the mirror, and it was never as bad as I imagined for which I was grateful.

However, my spirit was feeling damaged,and I realized I had been in denial.So I decided to just shave it all of then I could begin to accept it. The nice thing about being bald? Instant air conditioner if I am hot. And I get ready really quickly, which is nice if I'm not feeling so great. 

               My girlfriends in Rexburg! All ready for church:)





Shaving my head was one of the two hardest things I have ever done. And every morning I wake up and see the bald head and have to be okay with it all over again. However, it is becoming a little easier everyday. Truth I swear. I don't walk around with a bald head, but it is getting easier to walk around in a hat or my wig. Many people in my life have been very supportive and helped me feel better in my insecure moments. You know who you are:) Instead of mourning my long hair, I am on the hunt for some edgy short haircuts until I get my long hair back.  

Chemo Round 2! I went in today, and I was really nervous. People want to know how I am doing and it is difficult to describe in words. The best I can do is that you know there is something going on in your body. Mentally it is difficult because you realize that you are essentially pushing poison through your body. It burns the veins a bit going through at first, but then dissipates. There are people continually coming into your room to give you information and then quizzing to see if you remember. The more chemo rounds you have, the longer the list of symptoms/side effects gets. But, you get used to it. You can start to anticipate some of the questions the doctors and nurses will ask and then that can speed things along quite a bit. In short, chemo sucks. However, I am lucky to only have to do it for 9 weeks, where other people have it for many months, some even years. 

 You can't see the words very well above, but I was transferred to the Hunstman Cancer Center, which is apart of the Intermountain Medical Center in Murray.  Jon Hunstman Sr. is the man- he is a 4x cancer survivor. And he has devoted much of his life and money to help "his main desire to use his resources to fight human suffering." He is definitely someone that I look up to!

My nurse today was adorable! She kept checking in on me, making sure I was comfortable and made sure I knew exactly what was going on with each step she was making.  And then I got all excited when she used pink for my bandage because it was girly. Then she busted out a bow without another word. And she asked for my blog at the very end which made me feel like a superstar:)












I needed to go fill a prescription after chemo, so we went to Costco! Jane was concerned about me being too tired or weak, so she talked me into riding on the flat bed cart. People stared, but for once, I genuinely didn't care! My hat was so warm and comfy that I didn't care if people could see that I was bald underneath. And, I could tell that the little kids were just envious:)




Things that make Molly happy :]

• I'm trying acupuncture tomorrow for the first time! it's supposed to work wonders with cancer side effects
• Walking Dead is back on! Woot woot! 
• I made it safely from Washington to Utah 
• My boys in Brighton 201, they always make me laugh!
• Kate and Carlee, always welcome me with open arms and are some stellar best friends:)
• I can finally sleep on my stomach again! 
• My seeester Jane who spent 8 hours at the hospital with me for chemo, waited on me hand and foot and was my 
• chauffeur for the whole day
• My seeester Abby who shaved my head because I could not bring myself to do it alone. 
• My mumsy who is helping bankroll my fancy appointments and took time off work to do what I wanted to do.
• My brother Beaubo who went to the store and bought me 2 hats! One of them I wore to chemo today:) The other is a panda bear and has little ears (I might possibly be wearing at this precise moment...)
• Jani Davis and her extreme generosity- look up her boutique, it has lots of cute things!
• The  music video below :The Fighter" by Gym Class Heroes , I listen to it all the time

"She has been on quite a journey... It has been a difficult one, but also an inspiring one."

Hey all! It is late on February 2, I thought I would just jot down my thoughts and feelings at the moment. So, I had a great day. Slept in, had German pancakes for breakfast, then went to Spokane to go shopping with Mumsy and Abby because it was her BIRTHDAY today! Then we went out to dinner and for dessert got Gooey's at Dockside in Coeur d'Alene. All in all a pretty good day. 

Well, then I get home and take a shower. And the hair continues to fall out. It started falling out Jan 30, which is a day I will never forget. But today is what I am focusing on. Well, tonight was particularly difficult because I can visually see my hair being thinner than it used to be.It is hard for me to watch my hair fall out because most women associate hair with feeling feminine. Cutting it super short made me feel not as feminine, and now some of it is just not there. However, I realized that if I do end up losing all my hair, then I will only be bald for about 7 weeks, and then it should start growing back. 7 weeks is really not that long, so I can suck it up and deal with it. I am a little worried about going back to school, I will know 2 of my 5 roommates, hopefully my new roommates will be able to handle it. I saw some good friends in Brighton 201 and no one was weird! It was great, they all didn't even blink at my hair that was 11 inches shorter. And they didn't have the puppy dog poorgirl look in their eyes, so I have a some hope for the Spring (: 

My good friend Carlee told me about this video which you must watch. Disclaimer: you WILL cry. But that's okay, because it may change your perspective for the better. It did for me. In the video, a friend describes the main character by saying "She has been on quite a journey... It has been a difficult one, but also an inspiring one."... I am so not doing this video justice, just please watch it!

Things that make Molly happy:]

• Being home! It took me 1.5 weeks longer to get home than planned (2 cancelled flights, then Salt Express to Rexburg where my freaking awesome brother Beau came and picked me up in Rexburg
• My health insurance is paying for ALL of my chemotherapy after all!!! Serious weight lifted off my shoulders
• Sleeping in my bed. My perfect bed that has been molded to my body. It's MY bed.
• Reading- While going to school, I had forgotten it can actually be enjoyable ;)
• Discovering Lindsey Sterling on youtube

I know this process is not over, but I am thankful to have gottten through so far in one piece. When I felt alone or close to giving up someone has worked their way closer into my life and saved the day: emotionally, financially and physically. Whether it be driving me somewhere, spending half the day in a doctor's office,helping me find financial programs in Utah, helping get me home to Washington, a phone call or text, or a letter in the mail, I appreciate it all!

Copper chocolate milk is no good- I bet Copper Dr. Pepper isn't nearly as bad.

So I have been wanting to write for awhile. I know that I have a lot of people who love me and would like to know what is going on. I have started multiple drafts but then I exit out and don't return to it for many reasons. So much has happened- its a little overwhelming because I don't know where to start, chemo brain makes it difficult to remember details, and there are many things about the last week that I do not wish to remember. 

So, just an overall review for people who didn't hear. I spent Christmas in Washington with the family and then flew down to Utah Jan 10. On Jan 14 I visited my medical oncologist for my last post op appointment. She was able to tell me what to expect for the next five years with testing and doctor appointments. Jan 15 was my day of fate... or so I thought. I was under the impression chemo was still up in the air at least a leetle bit.  Turns out it wasn't. He walked in there and just started busting out my chemo plan and I was like "whoah, back up and slow motion please." He told me I needed to start as soon as possible but first I needed to go to a "chemo class." Apparently I am not out of school after all. So I dragged my cousin Emily with me. We got stared out. Everywhere. All the other patients were definitely 55 and older. So two 20 year olds stuck out quite a bit. I'm going to be blunt for a second: the side effects of chemo suck. Hellish actually. I wont get into details because some of them are just downright gross but, one they did mention was a metallic taste in your mouth, and your taste buds will be altered. So after my chemo class I went to the store to get some food that would be easy to eat. While we are at the store Emily goes on about how copper Dr. Pepper would be better than copper chocolate. I always have a good time with her.  

Previously mentioned chemo plan: I started chemo Jan 17 (it takes about 5 1/2 hours), and I have 2 more rounds to go with three weeks in between. Which means I will be able to have my last round, recover, and head to school when it starts in April. 

I am flying to Spokane on Sunday and I will be driving my car back down to Utah and I will be stopping in Rexburg for the weekend (lemme know if you want to hang out ) and then kickin' it in Salt Lake while I finish my treatment. Salt Lake is cancer central. 

I found 

• this hospital that gives away free wigs ( I'm expecting my hair to fall out in about 1-2 weeks)  
• a class that gives away free makeup donated by major makeup companies
• cancer wellness house that has free acupuncture (I am definitely going to try it), massage therapy, and all sorts of yoga classes
• program that will help me go on a free kayaking trip this summer for people like meeeee
• mentor program that found a girl who was 22 and diagnosed with ovarian cancer - I had to ask 4 or 5 different mentoring networks to find someone remotely near college.  I like to go big or go home.

Things that make Molly happy:]

• fuzzy socks
• anti-nausea pills
• Chinese food 
• Netflix (my best friend these days)
•  my first pair of color jeans (sea foam green- thanks Taunie!)

I have a bunch of pictures and I will put them up as soon as I get my chord.

I'm baaack

My doctors all got together in their little board room and talked about my case. A little weird to think about a bunch of people talking about you when you're not there.. Anyways, they decided getting chemotherapy would be in my best interest. In the end I could have said no, however I trust my doctors and so I decided to go with their recommendation and get chemo. 

So, I have been kickin' it in Utah for awhile, and it looks like I will be using it as a semi-permanent residence. For the next 9 weeks anyway. Tomorrow I am going to a meeting where they will tell me what to expect and how to avoid the negative side effects. This meeting will be especially helpful because I have purposely not researched chemo. I researched an endometrial biopsy when I heard I had to have that procedure done... Yeah that was a bad idea. I was sort of freaking out the night before; my poor roommates helped pull me together. 

I am going to be treated by Dr. Difiore, through Utah Cancer Specialists. I like him, he explains things so I can understand them and willingly answered every one of my silly questions. He told me I am the youngest person he has treated for ovarian cancer. Whoahhhh. I also really like the nurses there. She actually believed me when I told her the best place to prick me is my left hand. Most of the time the nurses tell me "Yeah, okay honey" to shush me up and then they try to get me in the arm anyway and then...epic fail of mass proportions . Then I have to try realllllly hard to not be all "I told you so homie, I'm here e'ery time they draw blood, I know a leettle something about my own body."  But the nurse today did not- so she is classified as cool nurse. 

I don't have a specific day set for my first round of chemo, that is still in the works. I just know that I will have three rounds, one 4-hour treatment every 3 weeks. And yes... the doctor told me to expect hair loss. We'll see if it just thins out or if I'm going to be a full on baldie. 

A relative asked me what goes through my head when I think about the fact that I have cancer. To be honest, most of the time it is surreal. Most everyone knows someone else who has/had cancer. However, you never imagine it happening to you. My family doesn't really have a history of cancer in general, and then I have cancer primarily for old ladies? Say what?! It's hard to explain the feeling. A lot of people have told me I am amazing, or such a strong person etc. While a lady loves to hear compliments, I feel a little weird receiving them because I don't feel as though I deserve them. I am meeting other people who have gone through more difficult things, and probably with a little less crying than me. I'm not anything special- just a selfish, anxiety filled, awkward 20 year old (almost 21!) trying to make it through college in search of the good life. 

Things that make Molly happy:]

• sleeping in- it's pretty much awesome
• Sammy - she follows me around and is pretty good company. Even if she disturbs my sleep and smells just a bit..

• Leggings- most comfortable piece of clothing ever invented
• SHOPPING! Thanks Taunie :)
• Chic-Fil-A sauce. Delicious (Don't worry Dad, I'm still eating my greens!)
• 
  
• 
• Being this awesome- its fairly effortless;) 

ps... any haircut ideas?