#OutLivingIt

My swimming suits smell like riverwater and algae, I have a PFD tanline on my back, sand everywhere, and a new found confidence about myself and my abilities. Its been a stellar week.
Tarkio Montana

This week was life changing!  I love all these people so much, even if I only was with them for one week. The attitude of everyone there was so positive and fearless, it made me feel more comfortable almost instantly. I have been working on anxiety, and not being too freaked when I meet a ton of new people. Well this group of lovelies made it super easy. I cannot say enough good things about First Descents. If you know of any young cancer survivors, let them know about this program!

the driveway leading up to the lodge

Sauce and Me!

Attempting to learn how to roll.... I came close but didn't quite master it.

early morning yoga

 There was an exercise that all the survivors did. We picked two rocks, one that we thought was really pretty, and one random one. We wrote on both. One rock was things we like about ourselves, and the other was things we do not like about ourselves. It felt very Girls Camp-esque and I hesitated to get into it. Then I decided to just jump right in. It was easy to fill up both rocks. Then I just sat and thought for a few minutes. There aren't many things I dont like about myself, but I reallllllly dont like them. So I thought about how I could improve them, and actually came up with a few ideas. We grouped together again, and I was nervous about what we would do with the rocks. What if someone saw my bad rock? Well Mrs. Robinson gave a fantastic little speech and then we chucked the rocks into the river, and watched the fast-flowing river carry them away. I was surprised at how good it felt. I was a new person, who is capable of changing my flaws. Kind of a cheesy exercise, but it ended up leaving an impression on me.

Eating lunch in the shade with Moonshine and Cowboy

Here we are, coming up on Tumbleweed. In the rafts to give our muscles a wee bit of a break.

 "Brace yourselves!"

 Whoosh.

 I'm in there somewhere I promise. 

Completely epic ride.

I got to "ride the bull" which was so much fun! Again, face full of water but totally worth it. 

Most of these pics are highly unattractive of me but I don't even care because these 5 minutes were freaking awesome. I got to "surf" the wave with Daryl, which was great because he did all the work. However, as you can see I got all the water in my face. Worth it? Heck yes. It was terrifying by how much of the kayak was under water, I thought we were going to flip for sure. Exhilarating and just freaking awesome. Living the Dream.

then later this ended up on facebook :)

#noshame. If there was music playing, we danced 

 The day I received the "Wig of Hilarity" 

Everyone all together on the last day!

 For rafting and kayaking both, its hard to describe the adrenaline rush right before you crash into a wave. You know its gonna try to knock you around, but you aren't going to let it because you're strong. You are confident, strong and fearless and nothing can get you.

Cheerio! One of my besties during the week.

This was on the last day, right after our "Graduation Wave". We paddled through a wave allll by ourself. The instructors were off to the side in case we did tip over, but we rode all by ourselves, no one else out there.  Mrs. Robinson said gave us a little pep talk before we went down the rapid, and said to pick one word to describe yourself through the rapid, and repeat it over and over again. I chose the word " Fearless" because I felt like I can do anything. 

things I don't want to forget :]

- Dancing in the street while we waited for the trains to pass. Pedro danced on top of the car and singing our lungs out to "Firework" by Katy Perry on that same car ride

-EAT THE MEAT (the wave train then huge rapid). I was pumped and raised my paddle above my head, and made it through the train just fine. Yak was right behind me, copied me because she was pumped too but then she went over. Kitty didnt appreciate that, we freaked her out.

- Sleeping on the porch with Q and DJ Rob

- Pestering Wild Cat and Bandit while they make their delicious food, most of it I had never heard before

-Bonfire on the river with the stars, playing the guitar

-Bacci bracelet on my left wrist, so my FD family is always close to my heart

- cowboy giving me the wig of hilarity (karma is a witch sometimes) and everyone telling me to dye my hair pink, because they liked the look

-Pedro rolling me over to help me with my fear of being trapped underwater, and always helping me back into my kayak when i want to float

-Riding class 3 rapid by myself (Mrs. Robinson nearby)

-Riding topo (two person kayak) with Darril (world class kayaker and founder of FD). we surfed the wave, went through waves backwards, and launched off rocks

- Practicing Eddie turns with PK

-Pranking Juice with the fake snake

-Ultimate Frisbee games after dinner until dark. (And me catching the winning point despite Pedro trying to freak me out)

-Hugs from Huddles

- Talks with Cheerio about anything and everything

-Outdoor Shower (SO cool, I want my future house to have one)

-Talking with Q about Glacier National Park

- "WHY NOT?"

- Dance party in the living room on the last night.

Basically, one of the biggest thoughts I am taking from this is:

"Start thinking more with your heart and less with your head. Make really big life changes if you need them to be happy." — Brad Ludden