Copper chocolate milk is no good- I bet Copper Dr. Pepper isn't nearly as bad.

So I have been wanting to write for awhile. I know that I have a lot of people who love me and would like to know what is going on. I have started multiple drafts but then I exit out and don't return to it for many reasons. So much has happened- its a little overwhelming because I don't know where to start, chemo brain makes it difficult to remember details, and there are many things about the last week that I do not wish to remember. 

So, just an overall review for people who didn't hear. I spent Christmas in Washington with the family and then flew down to Utah Jan 10. On Jan 14 I visited my medical oncologist for my last post op appointment. She was able to tell me what to expect for the next five years with testing and doctor appointments. Jan 15 was my day of fate... or so I thought. I was under the impression chemo was still up in the air at least a leetle bit.  Turns out it wasn't. He walked in there and just started busting out my chemo plan and I was like "whoah, back up and slow motion please." He told me I needed to start as soon as possible but first I needed to go to a "chemo class." Apparently I am not out of school after all. So I dragged my cousin Emily with me. We got stared out. Everywhere. All the other patients were definitely 55 and older. So two 20 year olds stuck out quite a bit. I'm going to be blunt for a second: the side effects of chemo suck. Hellish actually. I wont get into details because some of them are just downright gross but, one they did mention was a metallic taste in your mouth, and your taste buds will be altered. So after my chemo class I went to the store to get some food that would be easy to eat. While we are at the store Emily goes on about how copper Dr. Pepper would be better than copper chocolate. I always have a good time with her.  

Previously mentioned chemo plan: I started chemo Jan 17 (it takes about 5 1/2 hours), and I have 2 more rounds to go with three weeks in between. Which means I will be able to have my last round, recover, and head to school when it starts in April. 

I am flying to Spokane on Sunday and I will be driving my car back down to Utah and I will be stopping in Rexburg for the weekend (lemme know if you want to hang out ) and then kickin' it in Salt Lake while I finish my treatment. Salt Lake is cancer central. 

I found 

• this hospital that gives away free wigs ( I'm expecting my hair to fall out in about 1-2 weeks)  
• a class that gives away free makeup donated by major makeup companies
• cancer wellness house that has free acupuncture (I am definitely going to try it), massage therapy, and all sorts of yoga classes
• program that will help me go on a free kayaking trip this summer for people like meeeee
• mentor program that found a girl who was 22 and diagnosed with ovarian cancer - I had to ask 4 or 5 different mentoring networks to find someone remotely near college.  I like to go big or go home.

Things that make Molly happy:]

• fuzzy socks
• anti-nausea pills
• Chinese food 
• Netflix (my best friend these days)
•  my first pair of color jeans (sea foam green- thanks Taunie!)

I have a bunch of pictures and I will put them up as soon as I get my chord.

I'm baaack

My doctors all got together in their little board room and talked about my case. A little weird to think about a bunch of people talking about you when you're not there.. Anyways, they decided getting chemotherapy would be in my best interest. In the end I could have said no, however I trust my doctors and so I decided to go with their recommendation and get chemo. 

So, I have been kickin' it in Utah for awhile, and it looks like I will be using it as a semi-permanent residence. For the next 9 weeks anyway. Tomorrow I am going to a meeting where they will tell me what to expect and how to avoid the negative side effects. This meeting will be especially helpful because I have purposely not researched chemo. I researched an endometrial biopsy when I heard I had to have that procedure done... Yeah that was a bad idea. I was sort of freaking out the night before; my poor roommates helped pull me together. 

I am going to be treated by Dr. Difiore, through Utah Cancer Specialists. I like him, he explains things so I can understand them and willingly answered every one of my silly questions. He told me I am the youngest person he has treated for ovarian cancer. Whoahhhh. I also really like the nurses there. She actually believed me when I told her the best place to prick me is my left hand. Most of the time the nurses tell me "Yeah, okay honey" to shush me up and then they try to get me in the arm anyway and then...epic fail of mass proportions . Then I have to try realllllly hard to not be all "I told you so homie, I'm here e'ery time they draw blood, I know a leettle something about my own body."  But the nurse today did not- so she is classified as cool nurse. 

I don't have a specific day set for my first round of chemo, that is still in the works. I just know that I will have three rounds, one 4-hour treatment every 3 weeks. And yes... the doctor told me to expect hair loss. We'll see if it just thins out or if I'm going to be a full on baldie. 

A relative asked me what goes through my head when I think about the fact that I have cancer. To be honest, most of the time it is surreal. Most everyone knows someone else who has/had cancer. However, you never imagine it happening to you. My family doesn't really have a history of cancer in general, and then I have cancer primarily for old ladies? Say what?! It's hard to explain the feeling. A lot of people have told me I am amazing, or such a strong person etc. While a lady loves to hear compliments, I feel a little weird receiving them because I don't feel as though I deserve them. I am meeting other people who have gone through more difficult things, and probably with a little less crying than me. I'm not anything special- just a selfish, anxiety filled, awkward 20 year old (almost 21!) trying to make it through college in search of the good life. 

Things that make Molly happy:]

• sleeping in- it's pretty much awesome
• Sammy - she follows me around and is pretty good company. Even if she disturbs my sleep and smells just a bit..

• Leggings- most comfortable piece of clothing ever invented
• SHOPPING! Thanks Taunie :)
• Chic-Fil-A sauce. Delicious (Don't worry Dad, I'm still eating my greens!)
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• Being this awesome- its fairly effortless;) 

ps... any haircut ideas?