Stop placing all the
blame on other people for how they interact with you. To an extent, people treat you the way you want to be
treated. A lot of social behavior is cause and effect. Take responsibility for
(accept) the fact that you are the only constant variable in your equation.
Stop being lazy by
being constantly “busy.” It’s
easy to be busy. It justifies never having enough time to clean, cook for
yourself, go out with friends, meet new people. Realize that every time you
give in to your ‘busyness,’ it’s you who’s making the decision, not the demands
of your job.
Stop trying to get
away with work that’s “good enough.” People
notice when “good enough” is how you approach your job. Usually these people
will be the same who have the power to promote you, offer you a health
insurance plan, and give you more money. They will take your approach into
consideration when thinking about you for a raise.
Stop identifying
yourself as a cliche and start treating yourself as an individual. It’s
sort of like renting your identity. It isn’t you. You are more nuanced than the
narrative you try to fit yourself into, more complex than the story that
“should” be happening.
Stop being stingy. If you really care about something, spend your money on
it. There is often a notion that you are saving for something. Either clarify
what that thing is or start spending your money on things that are important to
you. Spend money on road trips. Spend money on healthy food. Spend money on
opportunities. Spend money on things you’ll keep.
Stop treating errands
as burdens. Instead, use them
as time to focus on doing one thing, and doing it right. Errands and chores are
essentially rote tasks that allow you time to think. They function to get you
away from your phone, the internet, and other distractions. Focus and attention
span are difficult things to maintain when you’re focused and attentive on X
amount of things at any given moment.
Stop blaming yourself
for being human. You’re fine. Having
a little anxiety is fine. Being scared is fine. Your secrets are fine. You’re
well-meaning. You’re intelligent. You’re blowing it out of proportion. You’re
fine.
Stop ignoring the
fact that other people have unique perspectives and positions. Start approaching people more thoughtfully. People will
appreciate you for deliberately trying to conceive their own perspective and
position in the world. It not only creates a basis for empathy and respect, it
also primes people to be more open and generous with you.
Stop seeking approval
so hard. Approach people with the
belief that you’re a good person. It’s normal to want the people around you to
like you. But it becomes a self-imposed burden when almost all your behavior
toward certain people is designed to constantly reassure you of their approval.
Stop considering the
same things you’ve always done as the only options there are. Fear of missing out is a real, toxic
thing. You’ve experimented enough. Figure something else out.
Stop rejecting the
potential to feel pain. Suffering is a
universal constant for sentient beings. It is not unnatural to suffer. Being in
a constant state of suffering is bad. But it is often hard to appreciate
happiness when there’s nothing to compare it to. Rejecting the potential to
suffer is unsustainable and unrealistic.
Stop approaching
adverse situations with anger and frustration. You will always deal with people who want things that seem
counter to your interests. There will always be people who threaten to prevent
you from getting what you want by trying to get what they want. This is
naturally frustrating. Realize that the person you’re dealing with is in the
same position as you — by seeking out your own interests, you threaten to
thwart theirs. It isn’t personal — you’re both just focused on getting
different things that happen to seem mutually exclusive. Approach situations
like these with reason. Be calm. Don’t start off mad, it’ll only make things
more tense.
Stop meeting anger
with anger. People will make
you mad. Your reaction to this might be to try and make them mad. This is
something of a first-order reaction. That is, it isn’t very thoughtful — it may
be the first thing you’re inclined to do. Try to suppress this reaction. Be thoughtful.
Imagine your response said aloud before you say it. If you don’t have to
respond immediately, don’t.
Stop agreeing to do
things that you know you’ll never actually do. It doesn’t help anyone. To a certain extent, it’s a social
norm to be granted a ‘free pass’ when you don’t do something for someone that
you said you were going to do. People notice when you don’t follow through,
though, especially if it’s above 50% of the time.
Stop ‘buying’ things
you know you’ll throw away. Invest
in friendships that aren’t parasitic. Spend your time on things that aren’t
distractions. Put your stock in fleeting opportunity. Focus on the important.
Stop being afraid.
Alright friends!
I am meeting with a doctor tomorrow and then with a specialist on Monday November 12. When I finally figure out exactly what I am dealing with, I will let you all know! Thanks for the support:)
