its a good life and its mine

I had an interesting experience today at school, that I don't want to forget. I have to take a shower and get to bed so this will be brief.

For privacy sake, we will call this student Ben. Ben is a student that caused a lot of drama for me and my mentor teacher, which I don't need to go into detail about right now. The main point is that it caused some hate in my heart. I am not using this word lightly, I genuinely had a hard time working for this child because I thought the situation he put us teachers in was so unfair. I am a little embarrassed to admit, I was perhaps a little harder on Ben that I needed to be in the weeks following. The kid is rambunctious, and always getting into trouble so it wasn't a huge stretch that I had to discipline him. Well today an experience changed me, and the way I view Ben and other students like Ben.

Ben and Kami (name changed again)  are partners in a group that should have 4 students, but due to absences only has the two of them. This seating arrangement has been in place for about a month, and we are due to change it again any day. Well Ben and Kami do not get a long at allllllll. Sometimes it is exhausting listening to them complain about each other. Today in particular was a particularly rough day. I finally had to sit the two of them down individually, and in private. My instinct was to reprimand Ben, and send Kami back to work (glory child with rules and homework). I decided randomly " No. Listen Ben out. Maybe there is something more that's going on here than you are seeing." I am so glad I did. Long story short again, Ben was not feeling included in the group work, and Kami was taking over the project and so he was feeling frustrated.

I took a minute before I responded to Ben. I acknowledged his feelings and reminded him that in our class, we are all friends and we all work together. I also acknowledged that it was probably hard for him to work with Kami for so long, and we already had planned for the desks to be moved soon. When I was about to send him back to his seat, he gave me the biggest hug I have ever received from a student. In that moment I was stunned. And my heart of ice melted. By no means is Ben a saint, that boy is a troublemaker at heart. But he is a student, and he needs my love too. People mess up, and I was holding this thing over his head for weeks, not giving him a chance for a fresh start and try again. Being a teacher is so rewarding and exhausting at the same time because you have to put your whole heart in it. Every student.

I am going to do a better job of forgiving, and not just in the classroom. Everyone messes up, and I would be heartbroken if I wasn't given another chance. That'd be a double standard if I didn't extend that same forgiveness to my fellow man, whether that be a roommate, coworker or student.

Anyways... enough with the late night ramblings of a tired student teacher.


Goodnight ya'll.